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Hi, and welcome to another episode of the RX3 Podcast. I am your host, Salma Canoe. Are you liked because people genuinely like you? Or are you liked because you always go with the flow? Are you liked because you don't challenge the status quo? Because you don't question anything? Because when somebody tells you to do something, you just do it. Even when you know it may go against the rules, the policy, or even your own beliefs. Are you liked because you're easy to manipulate? Because sometimes people don't actually like you. They like the fact that they can control you. And the moment you say no, question something, or set a boundary, everything changes. I've experienced this in the workplace. There was a time when somebody wanted me to change the way I did my reports. They wanted me to change my methodology to match theirs because it made things easier for them. But I wasn't comfortable with it. I remember telling my director, I'm not comfortable doing that, and I'm not putting my name on something I can't defend. If I'm presenting something and my name is attached to it, I need to be able to explain how I got there. I need to understand the methodology. I need to believe that the information is accurate. I'm not putting my reputation on the line just because doing it another way would be more convenient for somebody else. And let me tell you, it became a whole thing. After that, there was some low-key retaliation. It wasn't necessarily obvious enough for me to point at one specific thing and say, there it is. But I could tell the person was holding a grudge. There were decisions made that weren't necessarily in my favor. The energy changed. The way the person dealt with me changed. All because I said no. So then the question becomes, was I actually difficult to work with or was I difficult to control? Because people love to say somebody is difficult when that person asks questions. But is the person really difficult? Or do you just have a problem with the fact that they won't automatically agree with you? Maybe they're questioning something because it doesn't align with company policy. Maybe they're questioning it because it doesn't make sense. Maybe they're questioning it because you're asking them to put their name and reputation behind something they can't defend. That doesn't automatically make someone difficult. Sometimes it means they have standards, sometimes it means they have integrity. Sometimes it means they understand that when everything falls apart, the same people pressuring them to go along with it may suddenly act like they had nothing to do with it. And this doesn't only happen in the workplace, it happens in families too. You can have family members who are perfectly fine with you as long as you're saying yes, as long as you're doing what they want, as long as you're available whenever they need you. But the moment you say, No, I can't do that, or no, I'm not comfortable with that, now you're the problem. They start acting differently. They may stop calling, they may distance themselves, they may start telling other people that you've changed. And maybe you have changed. Maybe you finally realize that you have limits. Maybe you've realized that maintaining a relationship shouldn't require you to constantly ignore your own needs, boundaries, ethics, or peace. Sometimes I think part of the problem is entitlement. Sometimes it's about control. Because why does my saying no create such a major issue? Why does one boundary suddenly erase everything else I've done? If the relationship can only survive when one person is always saying yes, that's not much of a relationship. That's an arrangement where one person gets what they want and the other person is expected to keep giving it to them. I've experienced this in friendships too. I had a friend who I felt wanted a cheerleader. They didn't necessarily want my honest opinion. They wanted me to agree with them. And I had to tell them point blank: don't ask me questions if you don't want the truth. You can ask somebody else, but I'm not that type of friend. I can be on your side and still tell you that you're wrong. I can protect you from being railroaded while still telling you that you created part of the problem. I'm not going to let somebody hurt you just because I disagree with you, but I'm also not going to sit there and pretend you're right when I know you're wrong. That's not friendship to me. If I care about you, I should be able to tell you the truth. You may not like it, you may not agree with me, but you should know that I'm telling you because I care, not because I'm trying to tear you down. But when somebody wants a cheerleader instead of a real friend, honesty becomes a problem. That friendship isn't what it used to be anymore. There's definitely a rift there. And honestly, I'm okay with that. At some point, you have to reassess the people in your life. Are they value added or are they no value added? And if they're no value added, what are you gonna do about it? I'm not gonna tell anybody what to do. I know what I do when I realize somebody is no value added, but everybody has to make that decision for themselves. What I will say is that we need to do a better job of taking care of ourselves. Sometimes we tolerate things because we're trying to maintain a relationship. We worry about how it will look if we distance ourselves from somebody. How will it look to the family? What will people say? I don't care how it looks. I'm not putting my ethics, morals, reputation, or peace at risk just to make somebody else comfortable. Life continues with or without us. People may love us and they may be heartbroken when we're gone, but eventually they continue living. Even people who lose a spouse they promise to love for the rest of their lives may eventually remarry and move forward. So why are you destroying yourself trying to please people? Why are you putting your reputation at risk for somebody else's approval? If you're going to do something, let it be because you decided to do it. Don't do it because you're desperate for somebody to like you. Everybody wants to be liked, but how far are you willing to go for it? How long are you going to keep saying yes when you really want to say no? And is it worth it? I reassess my relationships. I look at what I'm putting on the table, and I only put down what I can genuinely afford to give. I'm not going to overstretch myself. Truthfully, I don't want anybody overstretching themselves for me either. Because then it becomes an expectation that everybody should keep going beyond their limits to prove that they care. I have limits and I'm not going beyond them just because somebody else doesn't like hearing no. When you stop being a yes person, some people will call you difficult. Some will say you've changed. Some may decide they don't want to deal with you anymore. But ask yourself why. Are you really difficult, or are you simply no longer easy to manipulate? Are you really a bad person, or have you finally started protecting your boundaries? Are they upset because you did something wrong, or are they upset because they can no longer control what you do? I think we all need to reassess the people around us and ask whether those relationships are adding value to our lives. And we also need to be honest enough to ask whether we're adding value to theirs. Have you experienced something like this at work, with family, or in a friendship? And when you finally said no, did the relationship change? I'll leave that with you. If this episode resonates with you, please share it with someone who may need to hear it. If you want to support the RX3 podcast, your support is greatly appreciated. You can support the show by subscribing, sharing, or reposting this episode, or clicking the support the show button. Thank you for listening, sharing, and supporting the RX3 podcast. Again, I am your host, Salma Kanoe. Until next time, bye for now.